Storm

She seemed lost in her thoughts, in a faraway place where he could not reach her. The dreamworld of words, images, colors, and shapes, in which he knew she took pleasure in dwelling, left spaces of silence between them. As they sat next to each other, it left him to wait for her to come out from her refuge.

Suddenly she would jolt, look at him, and smile, confused as if she just remembered him there. Her hand would reach out and caress his neck, or she would lean towards him and kiss him, perhaps followed by a content humming or a reflection on something they would come upon while driving. But often enough, she would simply fall right back into silence.

Her evasiveness confused him. Did he get this all wrong? Had he misread her somewhere along the road?

It was obvious to him that she longed to be elsewhere, with her paintings, to be left alone with her books, to write letters and poems never to be sent or read. The withdrawal from the physical world became more and more present in their lives. She seemed comfortable there, wherever it was this separate fantasy space of hers. Lost to the world for hours, unmoving, but safe and happy. He tried to occupy himself and get work done. Still, the persistent signs of a separate world in which he had no part or role, closing in on their relationship, were troublesome.

It wasn’t right, that it left him so worried, so confused, with a creeping sentiment like a dark storm approaching. He sensed a destructive force lying behind that storm, and wondered where this feeling came from? Did it arise from himself, or was it from her?

Then came the impulse to shake her so hard that she would wake up from her dreams, as strange as the water he felt pressing behind his eyes. He watched her carefully as she followed him around, without any real presence. But with a mind on other things, she made small mistakes, when she did her chores and worked next to him. This lack of attention meant he picked up after her, mended, and he began to watch her as if she was a child.

In her own soft words, she let him know that she wanted to be with him and work with him to build a future for them together. That they would always be together. Their dreams would come true. Nevertheless, the devotion that he loved in her seemed to have vanished. He was convinced that the hard work depressed her. Damn it! What if she had an accident while he wasn’t there? He thought: What if she was cheating? What if she left? On that day he felt how the wind picked up.